Thursday, May 6, 2010

How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone?

Mobile users - Suppose your cell phone is stolen. What will you do?

Here are some tips. Read it. Please forward it to as many people you can.

How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone?

A bit of useful information. Just in case you happen to lose your mobile or it gets flogged.

To check your Mobile phone's serial number, key in the following

digits on your phone:



* # 0 6 #


A 15 digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe. Should your phone get stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this code. They will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief changes the SIM card your phone will be totally useless.

You probably won't get your phone back, but at least you know that whoever stole it can't use/sell it either.
If everybody did this, there would be no point in stealing mobile phones. Send this to as many people as possible.

Senyum kambing

1. Hujan

CIKGU: Arip,kenapa kamu datang lewat hari ini??
ARIP : Hujan lebat cikgu......
CIKGU: Semalam,kenapa awak tak hadir??
ARIP : Hujan,cikgu......
CIKGU: Aik! Hujan juga. Habis kalau tiap-tiap hari hujan??
ARIP : Banjir, cikgu
CIKGU: @#%#@&%#@$


2. Gigi
FARID : Berapa bayaran bagi mencabut sebatang gigi?
DOKTOR: RM 120.
FARID : Amboi mahalnya....ada yang murah sikit tak?
DOKTOR: Ok, saya boleh kurangkan anesthesic.Saya boleh kurangkan kepada RM 80
FARID : Masih mahal lagilah,doktor. Saya mahu yang mencabut sebatang gigi yang paling murah sekali....
DOKTOR: Kalau macam tu, saya akan suruh pelajar saya yang tak tau apa-apa untuk mencabutnya dengan playar...amat murah.. RM 10 jer..
FARID : Cantiiik, masukkan nama bos saya untuk rawatan esok...


3. Fotosintesis
CIKGU: Along, cuba terangkan apakah tugas akar pokok pisang?
ALONG: Untuk mencari makanan, cikgu.
CIKGU: Bagus, sekarang giliran Neena pulak. Apakah tugas batang pokok pisang?
NEENA: Untuk membawa makanan yang dicari akarnya, cikgu.
CIKGU: Pu n bagus jugak. Sekarang giliran Din pulak. Apakah tugas daun pisang?
DIN : Untuk membuat "tapai" cikgu..
CIKGU: Uiii, lagi bagus. Sila diri atas meja sampai tamat waktu kelass!


4. Pembunuhan J.W.W BIRCH
CIKGU : Baiklah, kita mulakan soal jawab. Fezzul bangun!!!
(Fezzul yang baru bangun dari tidur tiba-tiba berdiri)
CIKGU : Jawab dengan pantas, siapakah yang telah membunuh J.W.W Birch?
FEZZUL: Sumpah, saya tak bunuh. Betul cikgu, saya tak kenal pun orang putih tue...(sambil menangis melolong)
CIKGU : Mampos kalau aku ada 20 orang pelajar macam ni... (dalam hati)...

Jakpah Selenger

Tahun nie umur aku dah menjejak 35 tahun (sigh) masih lagik membujang, kawan kawan aku yg lain sumernyer dah kahwin,ader dah beranak pinak pun. Aku jugak yg maseh membujang melangok sesorang pat rumah. Aku ader ramai kenalan wanita, tapi sayangnyer satu pon tak sangkut kat hati...jejangan aku nie gay tak? Tapi tak mungkin...aku nie lelaki tulen..lelaki sejati..100% pure...dijamin bermutu. Mungkin blom ader jodoh gaknyer. Sabar je lah.


Jam didinding menunjukan pukol sebelas malam, jam pat tangan pukol 9, nie mesti ader yg tak kener nie...samer ader jam aku rosak atao mater aku yg rosak. Tengok jam tangan aku nie teringat aku kat Munah. Ye jam nie adalah hadiah harijadi dia pader ku, time tu aku dgn dia cintan abis, kitorang dah steady pon, in fact dah nak tunang pun. Tapi hubungan kiter tak berkekalan, korang tahu apsal?...ok meh sini aku citerkan.

Maser tu umur aku 22 ke 23 tahun, baru lepas NS, aku kenal Munah pat stesen bas. Maser tu ujan lebat kedobi..tak agak agak nyer lebat...aku baru turun dari bas nak pulang ke rumah tapi takbleh, so terpakserlah rilek pat stesen bas sampai ujan reda siket. Dlm aku tunggu tu aku ternampak seorang gadis berbaju kurung berkoon mas tengah lari towards the bas stop. Tak agak agak siot dia lari...ye lah nak selamatkan diri dari ujan. Sampai jugak dia ke stesen bas...tercungap cungap...macam baru lepas terjun banji. Dia menjeling kat aku dan aku pun menjeling balek. Time dia tengah jeling lagu pat walkman aku mainkan lagu Kuch Kuch Hota Hai....aiseyman satu macam punyer demam dibuatnyer. Aper ke tak dia punyer renungan macam ader satu power terus masok kat hati aku yg time tu memang tengah solo.


Dia datang pader aku dan meminta bantuan...sepanjat dibuatnyer....barulah pertamer kali pompan mintak tolong pat aku. Dia mintak aku amekkan selipar dia yg tertanggal time dia tengah lari tadi. Aku pun tanyerlah pat maner dia tanggal? Dia cakap dia luper.....ooohhhh....reply aku sambil dlm hati berkater kira aku nak pi siasat lah nie maner itu selipar suah tanggal. Sementara tu ujan makin lebat..kilat sabung menyabung takder orang lain kat situ melainkan kiter berdua. Entah macam maner tah, mater aku terpandang selipar kat ujung road saner....dgn sepantas kilat aku letak beg dan meluru keluar untuk mendapatkan selipar tu Tengah nak cross ader plak kreter yg melintas...aku stop...kreter lalu...splash!...dah basah makin basah lagik. Berkat usaha aku yg gigih dan tidak mengenal putus asa, dapat jugak aku selipar itu....only to realise that it was not hers. Dia tersenyum tahan ketawer...dari senyuman nyer itu aku sudah mula terpaut. Ahh tu lah citernyer muler muler aku kenal si Munah tu.

Mulai hari itu aku kerap tipon Munah, dan Munah jugak kerap melayan panggilan aku, banyak persamaan antara kiter berdua....or at least aku raser itu adalah persamaan..maklumlah hati kalao dah suker yg tak samer pun dibuat buat jadik samer. Berbekalkan semangat yg tak seberaper aku pun sound steady...Munah readily accepted it...dia kater dia memang suah terpikat kat aku time memuler aku tolong dia. Hubungan kami berlarutan sampai enam bulan...dan selepas itu ader tander tander yg kami dah tak sehaluan. Munah asek nak kongkong aku..maner aku pergi sumer dia nak tahu..aper yg aku buat dia pun nak tahu jugak...aku takleh angkat dgn dia nyer perangai...so aku mintak break. Munah nangis..tu pun tak sampai seminit..dia setuju. For a moment aku tak sangker jugak yg dia readily accepted the break...aku ingat mesti dia nangis rabak atau dia mesti at least tanyer apsal..tapi tak, So kitorang break lah.


Keesokan harinyer aku ternampak Munah berjalan bergandingan tangan (ye lah takkan bergandingan kaki plak) dgn lelaki lain...hmmm..barulah aku tahu yg dia sememangnyer suah ader spare tayar. Nasib baik aku mintak break sesiang..kalao tak..aku pun tak tahu aper akan jadik. Walaupun kami jadi steady hanyer enam bulan namun banyak kenangan manis yg kami kongsi bersamer.

Krinnnnggggggggggg Kringgggggggggggg!

Mak dikao! bunyik tepon rumah aku punyerlah kuat, tersentak kejap dari lamunan.

"Hello, Jakpah sini...saper cakap tu?" aku menjawab tipon

"Jakpah ye? Munah nie....errr....tengah bz kee?" suara Munah buat darah aku berderao, baru je sebut pasal dia.

"Oh taklah....I baru je lepas sembahyang, tengah wirid kejap, ingat nak sambong tadaros jap lagik". jawab aku konfiden. "Ader aper Munah?" tanyer aku pula.

"Errr ...Jakpah, I'm in deep trouble..boleh tolong I tak?" suara Munah desperate.

"Uh?..aper citer?...aper dah jadik?"

"I takleh cakap pat tepon nie....bleh kiter jumper kejap?" sambong Munah.

"Biler?" tanyer aku

"Sekarang nie.....boleh?"

"Eh you biar betik..sekarang dah nak dekat pukol doblas midnite tao?"

"I know..but pleaseeee..this is urgent...i come over to your place"

Tak sampai hati pulak aku nak menolaknyer, aku pun menurut ajer, sambil berkemas sambil berfikir aper citer sey si Munah nie aleh aleh je nak jumper aku, mendadak plak tu, nie mesti ader yg tak kener. Takper, aku tunggu dia datang nengok aper dia nak.

Kelam kabut aku berkemas, rumah aku dah lah macam gudang pat IMM, bersepah sumer barang all over the place. Aku pi dapo check ader air kopi ke milo ke yg aku boleh buat biler Munah dtg kejap lagi...ternyata TAKDER! Aper sey aku nak beri dia minom nanti ? Nevermindlah, dia dtg pon bukannyer nak minom, ader hal katernyer, hal mustahak..aper hal ye? Dah satu jam aku nunggu, bayang batang hidung kelibat dia pun aku blom nampak lagik...deynie buih ke per? Muker millenium aku dah jadik muker tapai...ngantok sakan...tunggu macam buah tak jatoh....aku ingat kalao aku tunggu buah pun dah jatuh sekarang....depends ah buah aper yg aku tunggu. Kalao buah rambutan tak mungkin jatuhnyer, tapi manerlah tahu (tahu kat esbok brader), ye manerlah tahu berkat kesabaran dan keyakinan yg menebal buah rambutan yg ditunggu akan jatuh jugak, takleh cakap kan, kalao Allah izinkan.

Aku nak bukak tv, tapi screwdriver luper nak beli, so aku switch on je, nengok per citer yg ader...ye iklan....nengok je lah sementara menanti. Ye, penantian adalah satu seksaan, nak nak kalao u know that the penantian is something that you don't know...aku tahu korang tak paham...tapi bacer je, nanti paham....tapi nak yakin lah ye?

Tok Tok Tok Tok Tok (bukan bunyik orang batok ye, tapi bunyik orang ketok pintu)

"Polissss!! Open the door!" suara teriak pat luar

Uhh? polis? per citer si polis nie dtg memalam buter? teringat aku citer Bujang Lapok, polis dtg nak bagi tahu pasal Pak Mat Tempeh. Aku pun bukak pintulah, tak sadar kain yg aku pakai belom dipakai lagik.

"Yess???" aku bersuara

" Are you Mr Jakpah?" seorang daripader polis itu bersuara.

"Yah...I lah Mr Jakpah...y?" tanyer aku

"We are the police (kira aku tak kenal per uniform yg diorang pakai, takkan bomba plak)...you are required to come with us to the station"

"Wat's up? What have I've done??" aku blur dayak.

Polis tak cakap aper aper, aku disuruh salin pakaian dan ikot diorang ke balai polis (takkan balai rakyat plak kan). Aku betul betul didalam kebingungan, aper yg aku dah buat nie? Setahu aku hari nie aku tak kuar pi memaner, aku dok rumah je tengok katun popai pat scv. Takkanlah nengok popai je bleh kener tangkap sey.

Aku dibawa ke bilik penyiasatan, sejuk bilik tu, air con dia kuat, ader satu meja kecik beserta tiga kerusi. Aku disuruh duduk sementara menunggu pegawai penyiasatan. Lima minit kemudian seorang pegawai berpakaian biaser masuk kebilek dgn fail di tangan. Dia mengenalkan dirinyer sebagai Inspektor Sahab (ceh, macam inspektor dlm citer industan namer dia).

"Ok....awak munkin blur kedobi kan, apsal awak disuruh dtg kesini?" tanyer inspektor tu

Aku hanyer menganggukkan kepaler.

"Sebenarnyer awak dipanggil untuk membantu kami dalam kejadian pembunuhan sebentar tadi"

"PEMBUNUHAN???" aku tersentak

"Ye.....Munah Bte Mahmood telah dibunuh antara jam 11:45 hingga 12:15 tadi" jawab inspektor tu

"Munah dibunuh????????" aku sepanjat berok sampai terdiri pat atas kosie.

"Boleh saya tahu dimaner kah awak berader antara 11:45 dan 12:15 tadi?" soal Inspektor tu.

"Uh?...saya kat rumah....sebenarnyer dia tipon saya kater nak datang rumah" jelas aku bersungguh sungguh.

"Awak jangan nak bedek ye? Jgn nak jadik macam ana...cakap betul betul dimanerkah awak berader time tu??" Inspektor muler meninggikan suaranyer.

"EH? Aper nie? Saya kat rumah lah....abih yg awak nyer orang dtg tu amek saya kat maner??? kat rumah kan?...ntahaperhaperntah deynie" jawab aku boring.

"Kalau awak pat rumah, camner awak nyer wallet bleh ader pat sebelah si mati?" sambil mencampakkan wallet kepunyaan aku ke atas meja.

Aku sepanjat berok.....betul betul blur, camner wallet aku bleh ader pat situ plak? Biler maser aku tercicir wallet tu? Ini suah kes fitnah....aku di fitnah....ye aku difitnah!

Tiba tiba bilek itu menjadi gelap....aku tersentak....satu bender pun aku tak nampak...ruang bilek itu menjadi sempit seperti di dalam kubur...aku cuber berdiri tapi tak berdaya seakan akan ader sesuatu yg menahan aku daripader berdiri...eh aper suah jadik nie?.....aku terjatuh ke lantai terus terlentang...sementara ruang bilek itu menjadi kecil seakan akan ingin menhimpit tubuhku... aku meronta ronta tapi takleh bergerak....aku pekik meminta tolong tapi satu suara pun tak kuar.

Aku tersadar, dan dapati diriku terbaring di bawah kerusi di rumahku.....lerrrr....mimpi daaahhh. Berpeluh peluh di buatnyer....ingat betul tadik...ni lah gara gara tunggu si Munah yg tak timbul timbul. Dah nak dekat pukul dua pagi dah. Aku raser si Munah nie tak jadik datang agaknyer. Sudahlah...aku pi dapo minom air dan terus siap untuk tido. Tetiber....

Tok.....tok....tok.....tok...tok...tok (teka ah bunyik aper?)

Lerrrrrrr, saper plak yg datang nie?....eh jejangan Munah tak? Aku terus membuka pintu. Angin kencang terus menerpa masuk ke ruang tamu . Tiada orang di luar. Aku toleh kekiri dan kekanan, takder orang....saper sey ketuk pintu tadi. Di luar sunyi sepi....sumer orang dah tido...aku tinggal di tingkat dua rumah flat tiga bilik...kalao siang memang riuh kat bawah tu, nak nak pagi-pagi pasal banyak apek apek yg main burung. Tapi kalau dah malam gini sunyi semacam, hinggakan orang sebelah rumah gosok gigi pun bleh dengar. Aku menutup pintu rumah semuler...agaknyer aku salah dengar tu. Baru beberaper tapak aku melangkah ke dlm bilek bunyik pintu diketuk lagik. Eh?....nie takleh jadik nie...saper plak yg nak buat lawak pepagi buter nie. Aku pergi ke pintu dan terus membukanya. Tercegat seorang perempuan berjubah seba putih dengan rambut nyer yg panjang melepasi bawah pinggang. Dia hanyer tunduk kebawah seperti di dalam kesedihan.

"Ye? carik saper?" tanyer aku

Dengan perlahan perempuan itu mendongakkan kepalernyer....sedikit demi sedikit aku mula nampak wajahnyer......mukernyer birat....dibawah maternyer ader seperti celak yg sangat tebal...bibirnyer pucat..dia memandang ke arahku dgn satu pandangan yg tajam...maternyer semakin besar dan sedikit demi sedikit bertukar menjadi warner merah yg menyaler. Ok...this is no ordinary girl, kater aku dialam hati...jantung aku suah berdegup pantas...keringat sejuk muler membasahi dahiku....perempuan itu menghulurkan tangannyer ke arah aku.....aku lihat kukunyer panjang...dan tajam.....dgn sepantas kilat aku menghempas pintu...BAMMMMMMMM!!!!!!..........aku selak pintu tu atas dan bawah. Saat aku pusing untuk ke bilek.....aku terperanjat biler mendapati perempuan itu berader di dalam rumahku !

"TIDAAAAAKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!"

Bunyik jam loceng mengejutkan aku dari mimpi yg dasyat itu, cekik darah betul, braper banyak mimpi dah dalam satu malam. Pukol 7 pagi...aku tetido di atas kerusi panjang semalam. Kedengaran pager aku berbunyik reminder mesej...agaknyer saper yg page aku time aku tido tu. Aku lihat ader mesej :

"Sorry , I came but no one at home - Munah"

Lerrrrrrr.....dia datang rupernyer..aku dah tido...ruper rupernyer bunyik owang ketok pintu tu betul but the rest of it are nightmares. Dahlah nanti aku tipon dia.

Aku memang tak kerja, baru kener retrench, sekarang tengah carik kejer lah nie tapi belum berhasil lagik. Dulu aku kerjer pat kilang buat kasut tapi kerana ekonomi merosot aku kener retrench..aku sorang je yg kener. Plan hari nie nak pi jumper kawan aku breakfast pat kedai kopi, namer dia Mustapa Bin Senter, dia kater dia ader lobang kejer untuk aku. So aku pun pi mandilah.

Pukol sembilan pagi, keadaan kedai kopi di sebelah blok aku riuh, sumer tengah sarapan. Ader yg tengah bacer sokkaba dan ader jugak yg tengah nengok mama roti prata buat prata. Aku duduk di satu meja yg kosong sambil materku berlingas mencari Mustapa. Sementara tu aku order Teh 'C' samer dua keping roti kawen. Walaupun zaman cyber sekarang nie banyak cafe cafe yg tumbuh macam cendawan kener tabur bajer subsidi, namun aku still prefer the good 'ol kedai kopi bawah blok. Baru sembilan posen dah bleh minom secawan kopi, kalao kat cafe cafe tu kener kuar dua tiga ketol baru bleh minom kopi. Tapi remajer sekarang tak kisah sumer tu, diorang berpusu-pusu ke cafe cafe duduk bersembang macam forum perdana, konon style lah, konon kelas gitu.

Sedang aku menghirup teh, tetiber ader suara riuh kat ujung. Aku nampak ader nyonya tengah bergado dgn lagik satu nyonya....aper criter plak nie pepagi dah bertekak? Satu tu pegang payung tunggu maser nak hayun kat muker lagi satu..sementara yg lagik sorang tu terus menyampaikan hujah hujahnyer tanpa mengenal penat lelah maser dan keadaan sekeliling. Nasib baik ader orang pi saba, kalao tak gerenti ader yg termakan payung.

"Oi Jakpah!"

Aku menoleh..si Mustapa rupernyer. Lepas salam dia order kopi. Aku kenal Mustapa sejak time army dulu, dia tinggal kat blok sebelah, sudah kahwin, anak satu.

"Ginilah Jakpah...tempat aku kerja nak pakai orang...kalao kao nak aku bleh rekomen kan" Mustapa bersuara sambil menarik zip seluarnyer yg dari tadi ternga nga.

"Kao kerjer pat maner Pa?" tanyer aku

"Pat Serangoon...aku jadi security pat situ" jawab Mustapa

"Hmmm boleh jugak..daripader aku dudok melangok kat rumah jual anggur nie......bolehlah...kao tolong rekomenkan ye?" aku setuju.

"Ok, kalao kao setuju besok pepagi kao ikot aku pi opis, interbiu, kalao ok, besok jugak kao bleh start kejer"

Nasib baik Mustapa offer aku, kalao tak memang susah aku nak dapat kejer. Maklumlah aku nie pelajaran bukannyer tinggi sangat kener plak time ekonomi tengah tenat nie, makin susahlah nak dapat kejer.

Sedang aku syok bebwal dgn si Mustapa mater aku tetiber ternampak Rosnah dengan adek dia, baru balek dari pasar. Rosnah nie jiran aku kat tingkat bawah yg baru seminggu pindah....dia sememangnyer manis lagi menawan. Aku suker tengok dia....tapi tak pernah bebwal....selalu terserempak pat lip tapi dia buat dak je. Kali pertamer aku nampak dia jiwa aku terus macam kener karen....aku senyum tapi dia tak perasan atau dia sengajer takmu layan. Tengok punyer tengok si Mustapa nie terperasan.

"Kao kenal dia?" tanyer Mustapa

"Uh......errrr....ahhh....eh tak..tak kenal...tapi selalu nampak" jawab aku

Saat itu Rosnah memalingkan mukernyer ke arah aku...aku lihat wajahnyer yg manis in full view...maternyer ternampak aku....dengan perlahan dia mengorak senyuman.......aduuuuuuuussss.......macam kener panah hati ini. Ni lah kali pertamer dia senyum kat aku........hmmmmmmmmm.

Aku aturkan langkah ku perlahan tapi penuh keyakinan. Setapak demi setapak aku berjalan, tanpa menghiraukan keadaan sekeliling. Hiruk pikuk susaner tidak sedikitpun menjejas kewibawaan aku sebagai seorang lelaki yg sememangnyer mempunyai fitrah tahap keberanian yg tak perlu dipersoalkan lagik. Destinasi ku hanyer satu....aku tidak akan biarkan aper aper pun menjejas niat dan menukar haluan yg hendak dituju. Semangat untuk berjaya semakin menebal, saat ini kalau diriku dihantar ke medan peperangan sudah tentu akan menyerlah keberanian ku. Dan saat ini jugak aku sudah sedia membuat perhitungan dengan perasaan aku sendiri. Aku tidak mahu perasaan yg selamer ini ku pendam pudar begitu sahajer, aku sudah bertekad untuk meneruskan misi ini. Biar putih tulang jgn putih mater, alang alang menyeluk perkasam biar sampai ke pangkal lengan, alang alang mandi kat kolam biar jari nie kecut sakan. By now korang mesti blur aper yg aku bebwal....aku pun.....takper...bacer je. Aku berdehem menanderkan yg aku berader tidak jauh dari Rosnah....tapi sayang....seribu kali sayang, Rosnah tak dengar.

"Ehem" masok nie dah 7 kali dah

Rosnah terpusing, dia melihat aku dan tersenyum. Belum pernah aku nampak senyuman yg begitu manis, senyuman yg begitu menawan (ye lah kao dah suker, kambing senyum pun kao kater manis).

"Pergi pasar ke?" tanyer aku sambil membalas senyuman nyer.

"Ak ah" jawab Rosnah ringkas.

"Oh" sambil menggaru kepaler, "abih, kira nie dah nak balik ah?" sambung aku lagik

"Ak ah" jawab Rosnah

Dah about 14 kali dia 'ak ah' kat aku baru dia feel comfortable, kami berbual..taklah serancak pakcik pakcik kat kedai kopi berbual, tapi memadai lah. Aku berikan nombor tipon aku kat Rosnah, aku cakap kiter dah berjiran so kalao senang tipon lah bleh bebwal bwal sikit. Aku mintak nombor tipon dia tapi dia keberatan, takper biaserlah tu.

Sejak hari itu aku senantiaser tersenyum. Masak air senyum, gosok gigi senyum, bacer sokkaba senyum, tengok citer Titanic senyum, sikat rambut senyum, tido pun senyum.

Aku sudah mula merapati diri Rosnah, dan dia juga sudah mula menerima aku. Walaupun aku belum sound aper aper tapi dari gerak gerinyer aku dapat meneka yg dia pun raser samer seperti aper yg aku raser. Kami selalu berbual di telefon, dari perbualan perbualan itu kami saling mengenali dengan lebih rapat lagik. Rosnah belum bekerja, dia baru sajer tamat pelajarannyer, umur 20 tahun. Dia ader seorang adek dan seorang abang yg telah berkahwin. Dia tinggal bersamer ibu, bapa dan adeknyer. Kekadang tu aku terpikiag jugak, aku nie takder pelajaran tinggi, kerjer pun sebagai security guard je, duit taklah banyak sementara Rosnah seorang gadis yg berpelajaran tinggi, dia akan berkerja di opis besar dan sudah tentu gajinyer lebih besar dari aku. Namun, aku lihat dia begitu humble, rendah diri, dia tidak pernah membezakan pangkat kedudukan, walaupun dia tahu keadaan dan situasi aku. Inilah satu keistimewaan di dalam dirinyer. Ye, dia tidak memandang rendah kat orang lain dan ini membuat aku lebih terpikat pader dirinyer .

KRINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG bunyik tipon (nie tipon lamer sebab tu bunyik camtu)

"Hello" jawab aku

"Hello! Jakpah ader?" suara seorang lelaki seakan akan marah.

"Ah ni Jakpah cakap, saper tu?" tanyer aku kehairanan.

"Aku Saipol.....kao memang tak kenal aku....."

"Ah ..per citer?" tanyer aku.

"Eh Jakpah, kao nie besar punyer sial ah....kao jgn nak jiwang dgn Rosnah ye?"

"Eh aper nie? Saper sial?....Kao suker suker ke per nak maki orang??" darah aku dah kat otak.

"Rosnah tu tunang aku...aku dapat tahu kao jiwang dgn dia lagik aku kropok muker kao!"

"Eh rilek lah Pol, kao ingat aku nie batang pisang ke per kalao kener kropok takleh melawan, rileklah maner aku tahu yg Rosnah tu dah tunang, lagi pun aku tak jiwang dgn dia lah, aku bebwal biaser je..lu apsal nie beb? bawak besaba ah...main embos je deknie" jawab aku bingit.

"Aku tak kisah! Kao baik jgn kontek dia lagik, kalao tak, tahulah nasib kao...BABI!" telefon terus diletak.

Aku tersandar...marah bercampur blur....Rosnah tak cakap pun yg dia dah tunang...hmmmmmmmm.

" I mintak maaf Rosnah, but i have to see you today"

" I know..pasal Saipol kan?" jelas Rosnah sambil memandang ke arah aku

Aku menganggukan kepaler sambil mengadjust tali pinggang yg terjuntai keluar. Tersalah beli, terbeli panjang nyer plak...tapi takper bleh buat tahan teksi.

"So, betulkah u dah bertunang?" tanyer aku

"Ye betul" jawab Rosnah sambil menundukkan kepalernyer

"I mintak maaf kalao persahabatan kiter ini di salah ertikan, kalao begitu aderlah lebih baik kiter tidak berhubungan lagik demi untuk kebaikan semua" jelas aku

"Oh persahabatan...." Rosnah terhenti sejenak, " ye....i paham...kalao that is your decision, then i ikut sahajer, and i pun nak mintak maaf kalau i put u in a difficult position"

Walaupun mulut aku cakap agar kiter tidak berhubungan lagik tapi hati ini amat berat untuk melepaskannyer, sebenarnyer aku sudah jatuh hati dgn Rosnah, tapi aku tidak berani untuk meluahkan aper yg tersirat di hati ini, aku takut dia tidak ader aper aper kat aku, lagipun setelah mendapat tahu yg dia telah bertunang, aderlah baiknyer aku mengundur diri sebelum aper aper hal berlaku. Rosnah hanyer diam membisu, dia kelihatan sugul, dari raut wajahnyer seakan akan ader menyimpan sesuatu.Aper nak buat, dah bukan jodoh aku dgn dia....so terima je lah..takkan lah aku nak pi kebas tunang orang plak.

"Ok...so whatever it is, u take care ye? I have to go" aku tak berani nak nengok muker dia biler aku minta diri.

"Hmmmm...." jawab Rosnah sambil menganggukan kepalernyer.

Entah kenaper hati kecil ku dapat meraserkan sesuatu..ye sesuatu yg aku sendiri tak pasti...namun aku terus melangkah pergi, sementara Rosnah masih lagik terduduk di kerusi di bawah blok kami. Aku sempat menoleh ke arahnyer..ternyata maternyer tepat merenung ke arah aku....aku tersenyum lalu beredar.

Dah dua malam aku takleh tido...pusing kiri salah pusing kanan salah..last last jatuh katil keraner terover pusing. Aku asek teringatkan si Rosnah tu. Ternyata hati aku tidak dapat melupakannyer. Jiwa nie raser satu macam punyer pedih...tapi aper yg aku boleh buat?..buat bodo je lah. Aku bangun dari katil pergi ke dapo masak maggi kari tarok telur samer lader....takleh tido, makan lah aper lagik. Ader beberaper surat diatas meja, kebanyakkannyer bill, aku belom bukak lagik bill bill tu sumer. Antara surat surat itu ader sekeping surat bersampul biru....aik? nie bukan bill? kater ku didlm hati..aku pun membukanyer.



Kehadapan Saudara Jakpah,


Rosnah sekali lagi ingin meminta maaf kepada Jakpah kerana telah menyusahkan Jakpah. Kelmarin Rosnah susah nak berkata kata dihadapan Jakpah, jadi Rosnah membuat keputusan untuk menulis surat ini. Memang betul Rosnah sudah bertunang dengan Saipol tapi hati Rosnah sudah bukan dgn dia lagi sejak peristiwa enam bulan yg lalu. Tidak perlulah Rosnah menceritakan apa yg berlaku enam bulan yg lalu. Tapi yg pentingnya Rosnah tidak lagi menganggap diri Rosnah ini sebagai tunangnya...tunang hanya pada nama....hanya pada keluarga...hakikatnya kami sudah tak sehaluan lagi. Saipol tidak mahu memutuskan pertunangan ini, jadi diri dan hidup Rosnah ini tergantung begitu sahaja. Walau bagaimanapun Rosnah tidak mahu Jakpah ingat yg Rosnah seorang perempuan yg suker mempermain-mainkan hati dan perasaan lelaki. Tidak sama sekali. Rosnah harap Jakpah dapat memahami keadaan ini.


Terimakasih keran sudi untuk berkawan dgn Rosnah, walaupun hanya seketika tapi i'll cherish it forever. Sekian Assalamualaikum.

Ikhlas,


Rosnah





Orchard Rd, waktu malam Minggu seperti nie memang penuh sesak dgn orang, nak nak remajer remajer..yg shopping lain, yg lepak lain. Seakan akan satu kemestian bagi mereka untuk singgah di bandar ini at least once a week. Aku baru sajer pulang dari kerja nak jumper kawan aku si Malek dan Smail. Diorang nie kawan lamer aku, sajer nak jumper dah lamer tak jumper.

Kitorang janji jumper pat Starbak lepas maghrib, seperti biaser aku lah sampai dulu. Aku dudok melangok sesorang nengok orang ramai mundar mandir macam patung. Materku terpandang kat sekumpulam remajer Melayu yg berkumpul di tepi pokok dgn pakaian mereka seperti hendak naik ke bulan. Lelaki dan perempuan bercampur bertepuk tampar macam adek beradek. Yg lelaki ader anting anting di telinger sementara yg pompan plak ader batu melekat kat idong diorang. Ini lah pesen kater ku didlm ati. Mak bapak diorang nie tahu ke anak anak diorang perangai camnie? Ketawer kuat kuat macam drakula...berpegangan tangan antara lelaki dgn pompan dan ader tu berciuman di depan khalayak ramai tanpa segan silu. Kalaolah malaikat diizinkan campur hal ehwal kegiatan luar darjah manusia di dunia ini, niscaya dah lamer mereka dikompang dan dijotos. Masyarakat kiter nie perlukan pelapis untuk meneruskan adat tatasusila org melayu, lebih lebih lagik di kota kosmopolitan yg tidak pernah lepas dari perkembangan dan pembangunan yg begitu pesat seperti cendawan yg ditabur bajer subsidi. Kalaolah tidak dibimbing dan disemai semangat cintakan bangsa dan negara macam maner diorang nak menjadi pelapis di hari muka. Maka lambat laun akan terkuburlah adat tatasusila kebudayaan bangsa kiter. Ye tu dia kater kater rangsangan dari aku, diharap anda semua telah pun terhibur dgn pertuturan itu tadi, terimakasih.

"Jakpah.....lamer kao tunggu" bahu aku ditepuk orang

Aku mendongak, Malek dan Smail tersengeh sengeh macam monyet kener tackle dgn cipan.

"Weyy..maner korang pergi ah, lamer aku tunggu pat sini" balas aku

"Oh sori ye...kitorang tadi tolong orang tua seberang jln" jawab Smail bersungguh sungguh.

Aku nengok muker Smail dgn penuh simpati..kalao aku bajao budak nie agaknyer berdarah tak mulutnyer? Kira aku percaya lah tu.

"Macam maner korang sekarang?" tanyer aku

"Macam macam ah Pah, si Smail nie nak kahwin akhir tahun nie" jawab Malek

"Iye kee?? Wah bagus tu...saper yg nak kahwin dgn kao Smail? heheh" tanyer aku lagik.

"Alaahhh, aderlah...aku kenal dia pat mesjid." jawab Smail sambil menurunkan seluar panjangnyer yg dari tadi ternaik.

"Masjid? waahh bagus tu...citerkanlah camner kao bleh kenal dia?" tanyer aku lagik

"Takderlah..time tu aku sembahyang kat mesjid..abih jam aku tertinggal kat tempat wuduk, biler aku nak kluar je dari mesjid dia panggil aku...katernyer dia ternampak jam pat tempat wuduk, dia tanyer samer ader tu jam aku punyer...." jelas Smail

"Aik? camner dia bleh masok kat tempat wuduk lelaki plak?" tanyer Malek.

"Oh sebenarnyer aku yg salah...aku yg termasok pat tempat wuduk pompan" jelas Smail dengan mimik muker yg penuh millenium.

Aku baru sajer nak ketawer tetiber...TASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!....kepaler aku dijotos dari belakang. Aku sepanjat berok lalu toleh...ader seorang lelaki berbadan tegap sedang merenung pat aku. Si Malek dan Smail dah tercengang.

"Eh brader!!! aper nie jotos jotos orang?? Rilek ahhhh" aku bersuara dgn nada yg tinggi.

"Engko Jakpah kan?" tanyer pemuder itu sambil menghalakan jari telunjuknyer kat muker aku. Malek dan Smail terdiam.

"Ah" jawab aku, "Engko saper?"

"Namer aku Saipol"

"Saipol???" aku tetiber tringat namer tu

"Ye aku lah si bongkok.....YE AKULAH SI BONGKOK!!!! SI BONGKOK YG KORANG HINAKAN DAHULU!!!!.....SI BONGKOK YG KORANG HALAU DARI KAMPUNG TUALANG TIGA INI!!!!!"...hmmmm sori ye, wa suah salah citer.

"Ye aku lah Saipol...Saipol tunangnyer Rosnah"

"Aper kao nak nie ah? takder adat eh jotos kepaler orang? Ingat tak saket ke per?"

" Eh malaon, aku dah cakap kan, Rosnah tu jgn kao kacao...kao tak reti bahaser ke per?" Saipol muler merapati aku yg sedang dudok.

"Aper nie???? Maner aku ader jumper Rosnah lagik? Kao apsal nie ah? kao ingat aku batang pisang eh? Halo kawan jgn anyhow tuduh orang tao" balas aku sambil menepis tangang dia yg dari tadi kat depan muker aku....aku macam nak gigit je jari dia, tapi tak style ah kan.

"Sabar brader..sabar....cuber duduk bawak berbincang, kiter nie ader pat public, orang sumer nampak" Malek mencela cuber mententeramkan keadaan....Smail plak muker dah pucat, dah takder darah.

"KAO JGN MASOK CAMPOR NIE BUKAN URUSAN KAO!!!!" Saipol mengherdik

"Oii! kira aku takot ke per dgn kao punyer tengking? Babi nyer jantan...meh sini aku klepek siket..macam bagos plak deynie...." Malek terus blast, "Aper tengok?...nak tumbok muker aku? Ah tumboklah kalao berani...tumboklah!!"

Saipol tergostan sedikit....si Malek nie kalao hang orang memang terer...dia memang samseng dulu kat sekolah.

"You watch out Jakpah...just watch out" ugut Saipol sebelom beredar dari situ.

Kitorang terdiam seketika.....aku memang dah bingit bercampur blur. Setahu aku, aku dah tak kontek kontek si Rosnah lagik...dah nak masok dua bulan dah aku tak dengar kabar berita dari dia...aleh aleh je si Saipol nie timbul buat kacao...aper criter nie? Nie mesti dia suah salah anggap nie. Menyirap kejap darah aku nie...kalao Malek tak intefere tadi aku dah kasi satu tendangan maut jurus kenambelas versi Otromen Toro part 3 Return of Otromen. Walaupun aku nie selenger tapi kalao orang dah pijak kepaler aku, alamat makan bubur nasik selamer sebulan lah owang tu.

"Eh ...korang tak kenal ke deytu tadi?" Smail bersuara

"Uh? kenaper?" Malek tanyer

"Dia tu gangster ah...dia ader geng tao..aku kenal dia...time tu aku nampak dia bergado kat stesen bas dgn geng geng dia" jelas Smail "Eh parah siot camnie..dia dah cam muker kiter ah"

"Geng?....eh Smail..aper nie kao? macam kedi ah kao...takkan dah takot?" balas Malek.

"Taklah...tapi....kalao dia dtg bawak geng reramai kropok kiter amcam?"

" Ishhh ko nie Smail..sudahlah..takder aper aper lah" celah aku.

Henfon aku berbunyik menanderkan ader org call.

"Hello?" jawab aku..................."APERRRR?????" aku sepanjat lalu letak tipon.

"Apsal Pah?" tanyer Smail

"Ah pah..apsal?" Malek pun tanyer

"Woi Jakpah, apsal lah?" tanyer Malek lagik

" Munah masuk spital ah...accident...adek dia tipon tadi" jawab aku.

"Uh? Accident?..eh teruk ke?" sampuk Smail

"Aku tak tahu...Tina cakap dia accident ader kat ICU sekarang nie" balas aku

Malek dgn Smail memang kenal dgn si Munah dan adeknyer Tina, kitorang pernah kuar sesamer, dulu lah..lepas aku split dah tak kontek lagik. Setelah mendapat berita itu kiter bertiga ke hospital untuk pergi menziarah....yelah takkan nak pi cabot gigi plak.

Accident and Emergency Department lengang ader beberaper orang je kat situ. Aku nampak Tina dan keluarganyer sedang duduk di kerusi...aku pun merapati mereka.

"Cik, saya baru dapat berita...aper kisahnyer?" tanyer aku pader emak Munah.

Maternyer merah dan berair macam baru lepas kopek bawang tak pakai goggle. Emak nyer Munah hanyer memandang kepaderku tapi takder suara yg kuar dari mulutnyer. Wajahnyer kelihatan sedih.

"Kak Munah...dlm keadaan tenat..dokter tengah rawat dia sekarang" Tina bersuara.

"Aper yg berlaku?" tanyer Smail

"Kak Munah kener langgar dgn lori time nak pi kedai...kitorang sumer tengah ader kat rumah, ader jiran yg tipon cakap Kak Munah kener langgar. Sebelum masuk ke bilek rawatan, kak Munah dln keadan separuh sedar, dia menyebut nyebut namer abg Jakpah, tu sebab lah Tina tipon abg Jakpah." jelas Tna sambil mengesat air mater.

Malek dan Smail memandang ke arah aku, seakan akan mintak penjelasan dari aku. Aper yg aku nak cakap? Maner lah aku tahu apsal si Munah tu carik aku.

Dah nak masok pukol sebelas malam masih belom ader beriter lagik. Aku masih lagik di spital, Malek dan Smail dah blah. Saat itu baru aku teringat, few weeks ago Munah nak jumper aku tapi tak kesampaian, aper agaknyer dia nak?

"Abang Jakpah kat maner tadi?" Tanyer Tina

"Oh tadi abg Jakpah kat mesjid..lepas Tina tipon terus abg Jakpah dtg sini" balas aku sambil memandang mukernyer.

"Sorilah ye...actually Tina pun tak tahu apsal Tina tipon abg Jakpah....time tu Tina tengah penik, tak tahu nak bagi tao saper, abih lagipon kak Munah tu sebut sebut namer abg Jakpah" jelas Tina

"Hmmmm..takper Tina..abg Jakpah berterimakasih pader Tina keraner bagitao abg Jakpah." aku berhenti sambil menarik nafas panjang." Ini...errr..Tina dah tahu kan yg abg Jakpah dgn Kak Munah dah...dah...takder aper aper kan?"

"Ye, Tina tahu..dah lah takmu cakap pasal tu."

Seorang dokter wanita keluar dari bilek rawatan...mengatakan keadaan Munah dah stabil, kiter tak perlu risau aper aper. Kami menarik nafas lega. Namun kami tidak dibenarkan masuk ke bilek rawatan dahulu.

"Abang Jakpah dah makan?" tanyer Tina, kali ini wajahnyer jelas kelihatan ceria sedikit.

"Err belum ah Tina...tu lah tadi ingat nak pi makan..." jawab aku tersenyum

"Jom kiter pi makan pat cafeteria kejap? Tina pun belom makan nie" pelawa Tina.

Sememangnyer aku tengah kebulo time tu...aku pun set ah. Mak nyer Tina takmu pergi, dia kater dia nak tunggu pat situ...so aku dgn Tina je yg pi boko(makan).

Tina peramah orangnyer...antara dia dgn Munah, dia lagik peramah. Dgn sumer orang dia bebwal..kekadang tu dgn kucing pat bawah blok pun dia ajak bebwal. She's about two years younger than her sisiter, dah bekerja di sebuah hotel 5 star.

"Tina sekarang maseh kerja pat hotel tu ke?" tanyer aku setelah memesan minuman.

"Ak ah lah abg Jakpah....ingat nak tuka kejer lain.....abg Jakpah plak camner? lamer tak dtg rumah? heheh"

"Aik? rindu kee?" seloroh aku

"Ak ah...camner tahu nie?" balas Tina sambil tersenyum.

Entah kenaper malam nie mater aku takmu tido plak. Selalu pantang nampak bantal, letak je kepaler terus dah mimpi macam macam. Malam nie panas kemain, kipas dah bukak nombo tiga pun masih panas. Baru cam gini dah takleh tahan....kalao kat neraka camner jugak ye?

Teringat aku kat budak Tina tu, teringat cara dia cakap, teringat dia nyer senyum, teringat dia nyer ketawer, dia nyer makan, dia nyer minum, duduk, berdiri, berjalan, berlari...semua ah. Kalao budak Tina tu buku teks time aku sekolah dulu sudah tentu aku pass perikser, takyah bajar pun aku bleh ingat. Aper dah aku nie....dulu nampak Munah teringat Munah, nampak Rosnah teringatkan Rosnah..sekarang nampak Tina teringatkan dia plak. Aper dah jadik dgn aku? Macam mat kental lodeh ah...tak rock ah gini. Agak jiwa aku nie memang sensitip ah, jiwa tak menentu, cepat sangat terpikat dgn pompan. Aku raser kalao aku kener buang kat planet yg sumernyer pompan dah gerenti aku kener brain damage, server down, ad-run time error, kepaler otak dgn mater terus konflik, system failure, I Love You bug detected..hmmmmmmm..parah beb. Tapi yg herannyer, nyonya jual roti yg aku jumper hari hari kat kedai kopi tu tak pulak aku teringat ingat? Ataupun achi yg selalu aku nampak dlm bas tak plak buat jiwa aku bergetar (ceh bergetar sey, kental ah lu).

Sekarang aku suah tak leh luperkan Tina, aku pergi kejer teringatkan dia, makan nasik nampak muker dia kat botol kicap, bukak radio dengar suara dia, tengok tv kuar muker dia. Senang punyer cakap aku dilamun cinta...ok...ok...aku jarang cakap pasal cintan cintan nie sumer kat orang..tapi i make this an exception, so korang jgn plak kecoh ye, korang nak kecoh pon aku pedulik aper, bukan korang yg buat citer nie..heheh.

Ok korang mesti tertanyer tanyer Rosnah camner kan? Pasal Rosnah aku dah tak kontek kontek dia lagik...kekadang tu aku terpikiag jugak aper jadik dgn dia, tapi luper balek..so senang punyer cakap kitorang dah tak berhubung lagik. In fact aku tak berhubung dgn sesaper pun..dgn Tina atao Munah pun tak....the last time aku jumper Tina dgn Munah tu lah yg kat spital, pastu takder jumper takder call.

"Hoi Jakpah!" aku tersentak dari lamunan biler Mustapa tepok bahu aku.

"Alamak deynieeeee....sepanjat berok siot aku" balas aku.

"Kao nie Jakpah, time kejer pun nak berkhayal.....dahlahtu...kao nak join kitorang pi lunch tak?"

"Kitorang? Saper saper yg pergi?" tanyer aku

"Alah biasalah....aku, Leman samer Siti" jawab Mustapa

"Siti pun ikot?..eh takperlah, korang pi lah dulu...tapau kan aku bawak balek bleh?"

"Apsal kau anti sangat dgn Siti? Dari dulu tau....dah lah tu tak baik tau, dia tu sungguh sungguh suker kan kau...kalao kau tak suker pun jgnlah nampak sangat" jelas Mustapa dgn raut wajah yg macam penyu.

"Kao tak tahu, dia nie ader aneh siket...seram aku dibuatnyer, kalao aku layan dia siket je nanti lagik naik lemak dia" balas aku

Tetiber out of nowhere, Siti kluar,

"Ooooooohhhhh..abg Jakpah takmu kawan dgn Siti lagik ye?" Siti bersuara, "Siti sedar mentang mentanglah Siti nie tak jembu, Siti tak lawa, abg Jakpah tak pandang walau sebelah mater pun...."

Aku terdiam kejap, tak sangker plak si Siti tu dengar aper yg aku cakap.

"Sudah lah.....jom abg Mus, kiter pi lunch....jgn takot ah abg Jakpah, Siti tak ganggu abg Jakpah lagik" lalu beredar dari situ.

Mustapa menaikkan bahu dan memuncungkan mulutnyer menanderkan yg dia takmu masok campor dlm hal itu.

Nak tipon ke taknak, nak tipon ke taknak...takleh decide. Aku nampak tipon rumah aku macam nak kaup dan tekan nombor je...tapi pikir punyer pikir tak jadi plak. Perasaan nak cakap dgn Tina tetiber makin menjadi menjadi, macam owang ngandung ngidamkan suami. Namer je jantan, nak bebwal kat tipon pun takut....sebenarnyer aku tak takut cumer tak tahu aper topik yg nak bebwal, Lagipun aku takut si Munah yg angkat...dah tak gerek kan. Time kat spital dulu Tina pernah cakap kalao senang tipon...ah nie aku tengah senang lah nie....cumer takder 'bo' je. Weak betul ah....selalu nyer senang aku nak tipon pompan.....kali nie macam badi plak.

Last last aku beranikan diri...tipon jugak.

"Hello....Tina ader?"

"Ye...this is Tina" suaraTina menjawab

"Hie Tina....nie abg Jakpah lah.tengah buat per?" tanyer aku sambil menarik kain yg dari tadi terborot.

"Tengah boring nie....tak tahu nak buat aper...abg Jakpah plak tengah buat aper?" tanyer Tina

"Oh,abg Jakpah pun tengah boring jugak nie...tu sebab tipon Tina...nak ajak bebwal...boleh kee?"

"Heheh..of course lah boleh....eh abg jakpah, aper kater kalao kiter pi nengok wayang?"

Sepanjat berok aku kejap biler Tina ajak kuar. Deynie biar betik..aleh aleh je ajak aku kuar...

"Tengok wayang? ah boleh jugak" jawab aku "citer aper?"

"Citer Industan....amcamz? jadik?"

Industan pun industanlah, aku tak cerewet janji dapat kuar dgn dia suah. Memang inilah aku nanti nantikan. Memang aku tak nafikan aku sudah mula jatuh hati kat budak Tina nie. Dia ajak aku pi nengok wayang cina pun aku ikot.

Aku janji Tina tunggu pat MRT stesen pat dlm control room. Tapi oleh keraner aku tak dibenarkan masuk kat dlm control room tu maka aku tunggu luarlah. Hari minggu memang ramai orang...nak nak kat stesen kawasan bandar nie. Cucuk bukak tarik, cucuk bukak tarik, sumer tahu aper nak buat, dah jadik macam routine...nak kuar atao nak masok pintu tu kener lah cucuk tiket, tunggu pintu dia bukak pastu tarek balek tiket dan jalan. Dah tarik tiket tu kuar jgn hegeh hegeh plak, nanti pintu dia tutup balek camner nak jalan. Aku nampak ader satu budak lelaki nie sibuk bebwal time nak masuk pintu tiket. Biler pintu dah bukak, dia hegeh hegeh, abih jln sideway plak tu. Halfway thru the barricade, tetiber pintu tu tutup balek dan henyak tepat kat dia punyer buah.....aper lagi....terbongkok kejap dia. kalao hari hari kener gini boleh mandul dibuatnyer.

Ramai org yg sandar kat tembok, menanti ketibaan rakan memasing...sumer nyer berhenfon...memacam ruper bentuk henfon, berkaler kaler dan berbagai bagai bunyik. Dulu henfon cumer bunyik satu tone je tapi sekarang dah macam macam bunyik.... Mungkin maser akan dtg diorang progrem bunyik henfon kuar suara org agaknyer. Contohnyer org tipon, henfon tu akan berbunyik "ANGKAT AKU LAH BODOH>>ANGKAT AKU LAH BODOH" repeat sampai tuannyer angkat. Ataopun dia bunyik "PICIT PICIT PICIT PICIT" selagik tunnyer tak picit Yes selagik tu dia berbunyik.

Ok nampaknyer aku suah bebwal kon...suah lari dari ceriter asal. Bukan aper kekadang kepaler otak aku terkluar ring...dia pi jao dari landasan....tapi jgn bimbang, dia akan balek jugak. Pasal aper, aku dapat feedback yg tulisan aku this time tak open macam dulu, aku tend tu tahan tahan aper yg kat dlm....so sekarang aku nak balek open macam dulu....so korang jgn sepanjat atao terguris plak kalao bahaser bahaser yg aku gunerkan tak sesuai untuk tontonan umum. Tapi jgn bimbang aku tak over sangat lah ye?

Actually kalao korang bimbang pun aku pedulik haper? heheh.

Ok so maner tadi?.....oh yah.....tungu Tina....ye aku tengah tunggu Tina

"Oh...errr tak..takder aper aper" jawab aku sambil menyedot air oren yg dari tadi dah abis.

Aku duduk bertentangan dgnnyer. Mater dia macam almond, warner cokelat berkilao. Rambut dia pendek atas bahu, bibir bak delima dikupas.

"Abg Jakpah tengok aper?" tanyer Tina

Memang tidak dapat dinafikan lagik, aku sedang berhadapan dgn seorang gadis yg bukan sahajer manis tapi menawan baik dari segi perbuatan mahupun pertuturan. Saat itu aku raserkan akulah pemuder yg paling bertuah sekali di alam maya ini. Kalaolah dapat aku petik bintang bintang yg bertaboran di angkaser, aku dah kira ader kuaser sakti..maner ader orang bleh petik bintang woi! Deynie bebwal tak masok akal sey. Lagik lamer aku tatap wajahnyer lagik kencang jantungku berdegup...the feeling of having butterflies in your body.

"Abg Jakpah tak nak order makan kee?" tanyer Tina lagik.

Saper yg nak makan..saper yg ader selera makan....menatap wajah nyer dah cukup buat perut aku kenyang. Sesekali dia mengukir senyuman yg begitu indah manis dan menawan. Seluruh ruang restoran itu seakan akan bercahaya biler dia tersenyum. Kalao lah senyumannyer boleh generate electricity, maka S'pore nie takkan blackout nyer. Dia tak senyum pun nampak macam dia senyu,m...apertah lagik kalao dia senyum..makin menjadi jadi lah dia nyer manis...terserlah.

"Abg Jakpah?...ooh abg Jakpah..naper tengok Tina sampai camtu sekali?"

Aku tersengeh, macam berok baru dapat pisang tanduk satu tandan. Tak sedar plak yg aku dari tadi dok syok tenong muker dia.

"Abg Jakpah ok tak?" tanyer Tina lagik

"Oh ok ok...heheh...takderrr...cumer...cumer terpegun je" jawab aku

"Terpegun?...terpegun aper?" tanyer Tina

"Terpegun melihat makhluk ciptaan Allah yg begini punyer cantek dan manis"

"Uh? Saper tu abg Jakpah...sampai buat abg Jakpah terpegun?"

"Tina lah" jawab aku sambil tersenyum

Tina terus menundukan kepalernyer...dia tersenyum....sesekali dia menjeling ke arah aku..tapi tak lamer...malu lah tu.

"Ader ader sajerlah abg Jakpah nie..dah lah jgn memain lah" balas Tina

"Siaper yg memain? abg Jakpah serius nie" jawab aku sambil memaparkan satu muker millenium yg serius.

Sekali lagik Tina tersenyum...tak kener gaya aku buat dia hari ini.

"Abg Jakpah nie cutelah....Tina suker bebwal dgn Abg Jakpah"

Tak semena mena hatiku berlonjak keriangan, dia suker kat aku ker? Idong aku dah kembang kuncop macam ikan tersadai kat pantai. Ketiak berpeluh,..air liur tah dah baper kali aku tertelan.

"Boleh Tina tanyer satu personal question?" sambung Tina

"Boleh..aper dia?" jawab aku

"Abg Jakpah sekarang nie masih single ataupon dah ader calon?"

" Hmmmmm....." aku menarik nafas panjang sambil tersenyum," Abg Jakpah masih mencari....tak tahu biler agaknyer bleh jumper yg berkenan di hati"

"Ohoooo....jgn putus aser, teruskan usaha abg Jakpah itu, Tina percaya kelak abg Jakpah akan bertemu dgn org yg benar benar berhak menjadi teman hidup abg Jakpah"

"Tapi kan Tina......abg Jakpah raser abg Jakpah dah jumper tao orang yg dicari tu" balas aku sambil merenung wahajnyer.

"Oh iye kee?..baguslah tu...siaper wanita tu? Bertuah sungguh dia" jawab Tina

Saat ini aku didlm dilema. Kalao aku cakap org yg aku carik tu aderlah dia, mesti dia sepanjat berok punyer. So better keep quiet dulu..rilek dulu.

"Eh kiter nie asek bebwal pasal abg Jakpah je...Tina plak camner?" aku tuka topik.

"Tina ye? Tina sebenarnyer...errr....sebenarnyer..Tina dah ader yg berkenan di hati" jawapan Tina buat lutut aku longgar.

"Oh yee kee?" aku maintain jantan.

Tina menganggukan kepalernyer sambil tersenyum.

"Wahhhhhh bertuahlah pemuder itu ye?...Siaper tu?" tanyer aku

"Tapi kan abg Jakpah, pemuder tu tak tahu yg Tina ader menaruh perasaan kat dia" jawab Tina.

Lega sikit hati aku biler dia cakap begitu.

"Siaper dia tu?" tanyer aku bersungguh sungguh.

"Nie yg duduk depan Tina nie"

Ok...ok.....butterfly yg kat dlm perot dah betabo...dahi aku berpeluh...muker aku dah merah padam...aku antara senyum dgn sengeh, dah tak senonoh muker aku dibuatnyer. Satu jawapan yg benar benar diluar dugaan aku. Satu jawapan yg sangat indah didengar..menusuk hingga ke sanubari.

"Kao biar betik Jakpah, kao tu lebih dua kali gander umur dia tao"

"Aku tahu tu...tapi salah kee? Bukannyer aku pakser dia atau aku yg terpakser, kami dah sesamer suker" balas aku sambil perhatikan Mustapa

"Abih mak bapak dia amcamz?" tanyer Mustapa lagik

"Bapak dia dah lamer mati, kener panah petir, tinggal mak dia je...mak dia orait, dah kenal aku, cumer blom tahu pasal aku dgn Tina je."

"Ooohh..abih tu?"

"Sekarang yg problem ialah dgn kakak dia nie si Munah....kao tahu lah kan si Munah tu dulu saper dgn aku...aku kekadang selalu jugak kerumah Tina, tiap kali aku sampai aku nengok si Munah tu bukan main hepi sekalik....mak dia pun. Diorang nie tak tahu yg aku suah syok dgn Tina.....dan Tina pun tak bagi tao diorang. Sekarang si Munah ingat aku nak balek dgn dia, mak dia pun" jelas aku

"Camner kao tahu yg si Munah tu ingat gitu?" tanyer Mustapa sambil korek idong.

"Kelmarin dia tipon aku, dia berterimaksih keraner aku masih tidak melupakan dirinyer, dia mintak maap kalao perbuatan dia dulu menyinggung perasaan aku...sejak kemalangan itu dia muler sedar bahawa aku sebenarnyer memang bersungguh sungguh pader dirinyer." jelas aku lagik.

"Lerrrrrr...abih kao tak jelaskan duduk perkara yg sebenar?" tanyer Mustapa. Kerjer dia nie asek bertanyer je dari tadi, kekadang macam aku nak tapak je muker dia.

"Aku tak sampai hati lah Mus, lebih lebih lagik dgn keadaan dia yg lumpuh gitu, aku takot dia takajoot teros gol...tak balek modal siot"

"Abih tu aper rancangan kao?" tanyer lagik si hamlao nie.

"Eh kao eh....dari tadi asek menyoal..kalao aku otromen dah lamer kao kener zapp dgn aku tao , kao tahu tak....Eh dahlah, aku pon tengah bingung nie. Sekarang Tina plak kesiankan kakaknyer, dia hendak hubungan aku dgn dia dirahsiakan........tapi sampai biler Mus..?...sampai biler?.....kering siot aku camnie"

Memang aku tengah bingung di saat ini. Batinku menjerit nak kahwin, tapi keadaan tak mengizinkan. Aku dan Tina terlalu sangat memikirkan hati orang lain sehingga hati sendiri sengsara. Sekarang Munah begitu bahagia, walaopun lumpuh tapi nampak ceria air mukernyer. Tina plak mahukan keceriaan itu terus berkekalan pader diri kakak dia..tapi adilkah aku? adilkah aku terhadap diri Munah...terhadap Tina dan terhadap diri aku sendiri? Makin lamer aku biarkan kepuraan ini berpanjangan makin tinggi harapan Munah terhadap diri ku...kalao lah dia tahu duduk perkara sebenar, pakai nampak jatoh hancur berderai semuanyer.

Aku cuber berbincang dgn Tina, aper yg aku lakukan aderlah kehendak dan kemahuannyer sendiri. Sebenarnyer tidak ader niat langsung untuk kami berpura pura seperti ini...segala galanyer terjadik dgn sendirinyer, Munah salah anggap tentang attention yg aku berikan, one thing lead to another, sampaikan dia ingat aku ingin berbalek pader diri dia semuler.

"Abg Jakpah" Tina mendongak menampakkan wajahnyer yg ayu.

"Ye?" jawab aku

"Taik!" balas Tina, "beginilah, demi kebaikan kak Munah, Tina minta satu dari abg Jakpah"

"Uh?.....aper dia Tina?"

"Tina harap, Abg Jakpah dpt menerimer Kak Munah semuler...Tina sanggup undurkan diri Tina"

Kekadang tu dlm idop kiter kat dunia nie, aper yg kiter inginkan tak semestinyer tercapai. Kiter mampu merancang tapi Allah sahajer yg akan menentukan. Macam maner tekak nie teringin nak makan maggi Tom Yam tapi biler sampai kat kedai stok dah takder, terpakser makan maggi berperiser lain ataopun macam maner hati ini teringin nak beli Sony Playstation tapi keadaan kocek tak mengizinkan, memadailah dgn melihat demo game pat kedai. Walaupun hati ini amat menyintai Tina namun nampak gaya jodoh aku dgn dia macam takder gitu. Aku di dalam dilema antara nak meminang Tina ataopun nak terimer Munah.

Namun, mestikah aku mengorbankan kebahgiaan aku demi untuk membahagiakan org lain? Cinta yg sejati memerlukan pengorbanan. Haruskah aku membuat pengorbanan itu?

Aku terbaring di atas sofa yg berpeta...ader peta Australia , ader peta Amerika dan banyak lagik negeri negeri yg berjaya aku tanderkan di atas sofa itu. Sumernyer hasil kerjasamer aku dan mulut aku. Kalao antar kedai dobi niscaya ia akan mengambil maser sekurang kurangnyer dua tiga hari untuk melenyapkan kesemua peta peta itu. Dengan berkain pelikat kotak kotak serta kipas angin yg menderu deru putarannyer, aku termenung dan terus termenung. Sesekali kain aku bergelembong terkener tiupan angin seperti askar yg terjun payung. Asap rokok berkepul kepul memenuhi ruang tamu yg telan dimatikan lampu. TV aku 'on' kan tapi aper citer pun aku tak tahu. Majalah mangga tersadai kat bawa sofa, terselak menampakan gamba Erra Fazira tengah posing. Aku peratikan muker Erra, sebijik macam muker Tina, aku toleh kat cermin sebelah aku nampak muker aku sebijik macam Yusry (pi lah mabok weyy,,prasan siot deynie). Kropok Soto yg paket besar dah licin aku boko, air milo panas kat dlm jug dah tinggal hampasnyer. Bunyik nyonya bergado kat sebelah rumah aku dah tak kedengaran lagik, agaknyer apek dah manage to control the situation. Sesekali kedengaran bunyik angin yg mendayu dayu keluar diikuti dgn bau yg boleh dikaterkan cukup berwibawa. Namun angin itu hanyer boleh memberi kesan sampingan pader org lain tapi bukan pader aku.

Aku resah dan gelisah...cuaca panas pader mlm tu menambahkan keresahan di hati ini. Kepaler hotak aku tak dapat meluperkan Tina, fikiran aku terus melayang teringatkan saat saat indah ketika aku bersamernyer, aku cuber mengingatkan kembali saat saat indah ketika aku bersamer Munah namun muker Munah yg aku bayangkan berubah menjadi muker Tina. Nampaknyer makin kuat aku cuber nak meluperkan Tina makin kuat rindu ini aku teraser. Kalaolah otak aku pakai memory stick, aku akan format balek sampai zero memory, tapi kalao aku format balek sekalik jadik giler eh? Tak balek modal seyy....dah lah, baik jgn format...erase je memory yg dah tak digunerkan lagik. Kalaolah hidop nie ader parallel world kan bagos, maknernyer ader dua aku...satu tinggal kat world ini dan lagik satu tinggal kat parallel world. Hmmmmmmm katun....cukop katun. Kalao aku ader time machine, aku akan balek semuler ke time memuler aku jumper Munah, dan biler dah patah balek tu, aku tak akan layan Munah, so aku tak kenal dan tak akan mater air dgn dia. tapi kalao aku tak kenal Munah, time dia accident camner aku bleh dtg? Dah tentu aku tak akan dtg punyer pasal aku tak kenal...dan kalao aku tak dtg pat hospital tu aku tak akan kenal Tina punyer.....hmmmmmmm....dah lah, bleh giler dibuatnyer.

KringKring.......KringKring.....KeringKering....bunyik tipon

"Heloo?" jawab aku

"Abg Jakpah" suara Tina terisak isak

"Eh Tina.....kenaper nie?" tanyer aku kehairanan

"Kak Munah......." jawab Tina

"Kak Munah kenaper Tina?"

"Kak Munah dah takder"

"APERRRRRRRRRR?????"

Ajal maut di tangan Allah. Tak siaper yg boleh menduger. Kiter hanyer mampu merancang , Allah sajer yg menentukan. Dah sebulan Munah pergi meninggalkan dunia ini, Tina masih lagik bersedih, dia sudah tidak seceria seperti dahulu.

"Bebanyaklah bersabar Tina" aku bersuara biler melihat dia termenung dan menangis, "Kiter harus redha, ternyata Allah lebih sayangkannyer dan kalao kiter sayangkan dia, kiter harus senantiaser berdoa agar rohnyer dicucuhri rahmat"

"Ye abg Jakpah, Tina tahu tu." jawab Tina sambil mengesat air mater, "tapi yg buat Tina terkilan ialah Tina tidak dapat memberikan kak Munah kebahgiaan"

"Kak Munah beruntung mempunyai adek seperti Tina...jgn lah raser terkilan, kak Munah dah cukup bahagia mempunyai adek dan keluarga yg menyayanginyer" jelas aku

Tina hanyer menganggukkan kepalernyer. Keadaan rumah seperti biaser. Di sudut ruang tamu rumahnyer ader bingkai gambar, gambar aku Tina dan arwahnyer. Dalam gambar itu Munah sedang tersenyum....senyumannyer jelas kelihatan bahagia. Aku muler terfikir di dlm kepaler hotak aku, ..kasihan..di saat saat akhir sebelum dia meninggal, dia begitu mengharapkan perhubungan aku dan dia terjalin semuler. Ternyata aku telah memberikan dia satu harapan ...ye harapan yg palsu....harapan yg terbit dari raser kasihan...bukan raser cinta. Adakah aku berlaku adil terhadap arwahnyer? Adakah aku berlaku adil terhadap diriku sendiri? Sekarang there's no way for me to let her know duduk perkara yg sebenarnyer . Dader aku muler sebak....aku teringatkan saat saat aku ketika bersamer arwahnyer dahulu.

"Aper yg abg Jakpah lamunkan tu?" Tina bersuara sambil menghidangkan secawan kopi

Aku tersentak dari lamunan...air materku tergenang...kalao aku kelip gerenti meleleh punyer. Aku halakan pandangan ke tingkap cuber sembunyikan perasaan hati ku di saat itu. Tina masuk kedalam bilek dan keluar semuler dgn beberaper helai kertas .

"Tina jumper surat surat ini dlm laci kak Munah....surat surat ini sebenarnyer untuk abg Jakpah..kak Munah yg menulisnyer..tapi tak satupun yg dia post kan" Tina berkater.

Aku ambil beberaper keping kertas yg dicoret dakwat hitam. Kali ini air mater aku dah tidak dapat ditahan tahan lagik...meleleh mambasahi pipiku. Kandungan surat surat itu ternyata membuat dader aku sebak dan sedih. Antara isi kandungan surat surat itu ialah luahan hatinyer terhadap aku. Ternyata setelah kami berpisah, dia masih merinduiku, dia meminta maaf di atas segaler perbuatannyer yg membawa kepader perpisahan itu.Dia amat amat menyesal. Dia tahu yg aku tak mungkin mengambil dia semuler , dia senantiaser berdoa agar pintu hatiku terbuker untuk menerimer diri dia semuler. The latest surat yg sempat ditulisnyer terkandung beberaper kekater gembira. Antaranyer ialah, dia bersyukur keraner doa nyer selamer ini dimakbulkan, pintu hati aku sudah muler terbuker untuknyer. Dia menceritakan bagaimaner bahagianyer biler melihat aku dtg ke rumah menziarah. Dan dia sangat sangat berharap aku mengambilnyer sebagai teman hidupnyer.

Ternyata, aper yg disangkernyer tidak benar samer sekali....aku amat simpati akan hal ini...tapi sudah terlambat...Munah telah pergi buat selamer lamernyer dgn membawa satu harapan palsu...ye harapan palsu yg aku berikan.

Aku raser begitu bersalah dan menyesal....tidak ader kata yg dapat menjelaskan aper yg aku rasai...aku berdoa dan terus berdoa agar dia senantiaser bahagia...dan aku berikrar aku akan teruskan harapannyer....buat maser ini hati aku sudah tertutup untuk memberi sebarang harapan pader sesiaperpun....biarlah aku teruskan hidup aku ini dgn membenarkan aper yg palsu...ini sahajer lah yg dapat mententeramkan jiwa ku.

Tina faham...dia rela......walaupun dengan cucuran air mater.

Sumber cerita dari: Pian

Malaysian Palm oil

Palm oil , coconut oil, and palm kernel oil are edible plant oils derived from the fruits of palm trees. Palm oil is extracted from the pulp of the fruit, while palm kernel oil is derived from the kernel (seed) of the oil palm. They should not be confused with coconut oil, which is derived from the kernel of the coconut palm (Cocos nucifera). Palm oil is naturally reddish because it contains a high amount of beta-carotene (though boiling palm oil destroys the beta-carotene, rendering the oil colourless).


Palm oil , coconut oil, and palm kernel oil are three of the few highly saturated vegetable fats. Palm oil is semi-solid at room temperatures. Palm oil contains several saturated and unsaturated fats in the forms of glyceryl laurate (0.1%, saturated), myristate (0.1%, saturated), palmitate (44%, saturated), stearate (5%, saturated), oleate (39%, monounsaturated), linoleate (10%, polyunsaturated), and linolenate (0.3%, polyunsaturated). Palm kernel oil is more highly saturated than palm oil. Like all vegetable oils, palm oils do not contain cholesterol (found in unrefined animal fats), although saturated fat intake increases both LDL and HDL cholesterol.

Palm oil is a common cooking ingredient in southeast Asia and the tropical belt of Africa. Its increasing use in the commercial food industry in other parts of the world is buoyed by its lower cost and the high oxidative stability (saturation) of the refined product when used for frying

Palm oil (from the African oil palm, Elaeis guineensis) is long recognized in West African countries, and is widely used as a cooking oil. European merchants trading with West Africa occasionally purchased palm oil for use in Europe, but since the oil was bulky and cheap, palm oil remained rare outside West Africa.[citation needed] In the Asante Confederacy, state-owned slaves built large plantations of oil palm trees, while in the neighbouring Kingdom of Dahomey, King Ghezo passed a law in 1856 forbidding his subjects from cutting down oil palms.


Palm oil became a highly sought-after commodity by British traders, for use as an industrial lubricant for machinery during Britain's Industrial Revolution[citation needed]. Palm oil formed the basis of soap products, such as Lever Brothers' (now Unilever) "Sunlight Soap", and the American Palmolive brand. By c. 1870, palm oil constituted the primary export of some West African countries such as Ghana and Nigeria, although this was overtaken by cocoa in the 1880s.

Oil palms were introduced to Java by the Dutch in 1848 and Malaysia (then the British colony of Malaya) in 1910 by Scotsman William Sime and English banker Henry Darby. The first few plantations were established and operated by British plantation owners, such as Sime Darby and Boustead. The large plantation companies remained listed in London until the Malaysian government engineered the "Malaysianisation" policy throughout the 1960s and 1970s.

Federal Land Development Authority (Felda) was formed on 1 July 1956 when the Land Development Act came into force with the main aim of eradicating poverty. Settlers were each allocated 10 acres of land (about 4 hectares) planted either with oil palm or rubber, and given 20 years to pay off the debt for the land. After Malaysia achieved independence in 1957, the government focused on value adding of rubber planting, boosting exports, and alleviating poverty through land schemes. In the 1960s and 1970s, the government encouraged planting of other crops, to cushion the economy when world prices of tin and rubber plunged. Rubber estates gave way to oil palm plantations. In 1961, Felda's first oil palm settlement opened, measuring only 375 hectares of land. As of 2000, 685,520 hectares of the land under Felda's programmes were devoted to oil palms. By 2008, Felda's resettlement broadened to 112,635 families and they work on 853,313 hectares of agriculture land throughout Malaysia. Oil palm planting took up 84% of Felda's plantation landbank.

In December 2006, the Malaysian government initiated merger of Sime Darby Berhad, Golden Hope Plantations Berhad and Kumpulan Guthrie Berhad to create the world’s largest listed oil palm plantation player. In a landmark deal valued at RM31 billion, the merger involved the businesses of eight listed companies controlled by Permodalan Nasional Berhad (PNB) and the Employees Provident Fund (EPF). A special purpose vehicle, Synergy Drive Sdn Bhd, offered to acquire all the businesses including assets and liabilities of the eight listed companies. With 543,000 hectares of plantation landbank, the merger resulted in the new oil palm plantation entity that could produce 2.5 million tonnes of palm oil or 5% of global production in 2006. A year later, the merger completed and the entity was renamed Sime Darby Berhad.

In the 1960s, research and development (R&D) in oil palm breeding began to expand after Malaysia's Department of Agriculture established an exchange program with West African economies and four private plantations formed the Oil Palm Genetics Laboratory. The government also established Kolej Serdang, which became the Universiti Pertanian Malaysia (UPM) in the 1970s to train agricultural and agro-industrial engineers and agro-business graduates to conduct research in the field.


In 1979, following strong lobbying from oil palm planters and support from the Malaysian Agricultural Research and Development Institute (MARDI) and UPM, the government set up the Palm Oil Research Institute of Malaysia (Porim). B.C. Sekhar was instrumental in Porim's recruitment and training of scientists to undertake R&D in oil palm tree breeding, palm oil nutrition and potential oleochemical use. Sekhar, as founder and chairman, strategised Porim to be a public-and-private-coordinated institution. As a result, Porim (renamed Malaysian Palm Oil Board in 2000) became Malaysia's top research entity with the highest technology commercialisation rate of 20% compared to 5% among local universities. While MPOB has gained international prominence, its relevance is dependent on it churning out breakthrough findings in the world's fast-changing oil crop genetics, dietary fat nutrition and process engineering landscape.

Palm oil and palm kernel oil are composed of fatty acids, esterified with glycerol just like any ordinary fat. Both are high in saturated fatty acids, about 50% and 80%, respectively. The oil palm gives its name to the 16-carbon saturated fatty acid palmitic acid found in palm oil; monounsaturated oleic acid is also a constituent of palm oil while palm kernel oil contains mainly lauric acid. Palm oil is a large natural source of tocotrienol, part of the vitamin E family.
Red palm oil not only supplies fatty acids essential for proper growth and development, but also it contains an assortment of vitamins, antioxidants, and other phytonutrients important for good health. Red palm oil gets its name from its characteristic dark red color, which comes from carotenes such as alpha-carotene, beta-carotene and lycopene—the same nutrients that give tomatoes, carrots and other fruits and vegetables their rich red and orange colors.


Red palm oil is the richest dietary source of provitamin A carotenes (beta-carotene and alpha-carotene It has 15 times more provitamin A carotenes than carrots and 300 times more than tomatoes.People who do not consume enough vitamin A in their diets suffer from blindness, weakened bones, lower immunity, and impaired learning ability and mental function.

Red palm oil contains a greater number of nutrients than any other dietary oil. In addition to beta-carotene, alpha-carotene, and lycopene, it contains at least 10 other carotenes, along with tocopherols and tocotrienols (members of the vitamin E family), CoQ10, phytosterols, and glycolipids. In a 2007 animal study, South African scientists found consumption of red palm oil significantly decreased p38-MAPK phosphorylation in rat hearts subjected to a high-cholesterol diet.

Since the mid-1990s, red palm oil is cold-pressed and bottled for use as cooking oil, and blended into mayonnaise and salad oil. Red palm oil antioxidants like tocotrienols and carotenes are also fortified into foods for specific health use and anti-aging cosmetics.

In a 2004 joint-study between Kuwait Institute for Scientific Research and Malaysian Palm Oil Board, the scientists found cookies, being higher in fat content than bread, are a better vehicle for red palm oil phytonutrients.

In a 2009 study, scientists in Spain tested the acrolein emission rates from the deep frying of potatoes in red palm, olive and polyunsaturated oils. They found higher acrolein emission rates from the polyunsaturated oils. The scientists characterized red palm oil as "mono-unsaturated". It gives an attractive colour to french fries.

Palm oil products are made using milling and refining processes: first using fractionation, with crystallization and separation processes to obtain solid (stearin), and liquid (olein) fractions. Then by melting and degumming, impurities can be removed, and then the oil is filtered and bleached. Next, physical refining removes smells and coloration, to produce refined bleached deodorized palm oil, or RBDPO, and free sheer fatty acids, which are used as an important raw material in the manufacture of soaps, washing powder and other hygiene and personal care products. RBDPO is the basic oil product which can be sold on the world's commodity markets, although many companies fractionate it further into palm olein, for cooking oil or other products.


Splitting of oils and fats by hydrolysis, or under basic conditions saponification, yields fatty acids, with glycerin (glycerol) as a byproduct. The split-off fatty acids are a mixture ranging from C4 to C18, depending on the type of oil/fat.

Resembling coconut oil, palm kernel oil is packed with myristic and lauric fatty acids and therefore suitable for the manufacture of soaps, washing powders and personal care products. Lauric acid is very important in soap making. A good soap must contain at least 15 per cent laurate for quick lathering while soap made for use in sea water is based on virtually 100 per cent laurate.


Derivatives of palmitic acid were used in combination with naphtha during World War II to produce napalm (aluminum naphthenate and aluminum palmitate). Many processed foods contain palm oil as an ingredient.

Palm oil, like other vegetable oils, can be used to create biodiesel for internal combustion engines. Biodiesel has been promoted as a renewable energy source to reduce net emissions of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere. Therefore, biodiesel is seen as a way to decrease the impact of the greenhouse effect and as a way of diversifying energy supplies to assist national energy security plans.

Palm is also used to make biodiesel, as either a simply-processed palm oil mixed with petrodiesel, or processed through transesterification to create a palm oil methyl ester blend, which meets the international EN 14214 specification, with glycerin as a byproduct. The actual process used varies between countries, and the requirements of different export markets. Next-generation biofuel production processes are also being tested in relatively small trial quantities.

The IEA predicts that biofuels usage in Asian countries will remain modest. But as a major producer of palm oil, the Malaysian government is encouraging the production of biofuel feedstock and the building of biodiesel plants that use palm oil. Domestically, Malaysia is preparing to change from diesel to bio-fuels by 2008, including drafting legislation that will make the switch mandatory. From 2007, all diesel sold in Malaysia must contain 5% palm oil. Malaysia is emerging as one of the leading biofuel producers, with 91 plants approved and a handful now in operation, all based on palm oil.

On 16 December 2007, Malaysia opened its first biodiesel plant in the state of Pahang, which has an annual capacity of 100,000 tonnes, and also produces by-products in the form of 4,000 tonnes of palm fatty acid distillate and 12,000 tonnes of pharmaceutical grade glycerine. Neste Oil of Finland plans to produce 800,000 tonnes of biodiesel per year from Malaysian palm oil in a new Singapore refinery from 2010, which will make it the largest biofuel plant in the world, and 170,000 tpa from its first second-generation plant in Finland from 2007-8, which can refine fuel from a variety of sources. Neste and the Finnish government are using this paraffinic fuel in some public buses in the Helsinki area as a small scale pilot.

Some scientists and companies are going beyond using palm fruit oil, and are proposing to convert fronts, empty fruit bunches and palm kernel shells harvested from oil palm plantations into renewable electricity, cellulosic ethanol, biogas, biohydrogen and bioplastic. Thus, by using both the biomass from the plantation as well as the processing residues from palm oil production (fibers, kernel shells, palm oil mill effluent), bioenergy from palm plantations can have an effect on reducing greenhouse gas emissions. Examples of these production techniques have been registered as projects under the Kyoto Protocol's Clean Development Mechanism.

By using palm biomass to generate renewable energy, fuels and biodegradable products, both the energy balance and the greenhouse gas emissions balance for palm biodiesel is improved. For every tonne of palm oil produced from fresh fruit bunches, a farmer harvests around 6 tonnes of waste palm fronds, 1 tonne of palm trunks, 5 tonnes of empty fruit bunches, 1 tonne of press fiber (from the mesocarp of the fruit), half a tonne of palm kernel endocarp, 250 kg of palm kernel press cake, and 100 tonnes of palm oil mill effluent. Oil palm plantations incinerate biomass to generate power for palm oil mills. Oil palm plantations yield large amount of biomass that can be recycled into medium density fibreboards and light furniture. In efforts to reduce greenhouse gas emissions, scientists treat palm oil mill effluent to extract biogas. After purification, biogas can substitute for natural gas for use at factories. Anaerobic treatment of palm oil mill effluent, practiced in Malaysia and Indonesia, results in domination of Methanosaeta concilii. It plays an important role in methane production from acetate and the optimum condition for its growth should be considered to harvest biogas as renewable fuel.

However, regardless of these new innovations, first generation biodiesel production from palm oil is still in demand globally. Palm oil is also a primary substitute for rapeseed oil in Europe, which too is experiencing high levels of demand for biodiesel purposes. Palm oil producers are investing heavily in the refineries needed for biodiesel. In Malaysia companies have been merging, buying others out and forming alliances to obtain the economies of scale needed to handle the high costs caused by increased feedstock prices. New refineries are being built across Asia and Europe.

As the food vs. fuel debate mounts, research direction is turning to biodiesel production from waste. In Malaysia, an estimated 50,000 tonnes of used frying oils, both vegetable oils and animal fats, are disposed of yearly without treatment as wastes. In a 2006 study researchers found used frying oil (mainly palm olein), after pre-treatment with silica gel, is a suitable feedstock for conversion to methyl esters by catalytic reaction using sodium hydroxide. The methyl esters produced have fuel properties comparable to those of petroleum diesel, and can be used in unmodified diesel engines.

A 2009 study by scientists at Universiti Sains Malaysia concluded that palm oil, compared to other vegetable oils, is a healthy source of edible oil and at the same time, available in quantities that can satisfy global demand for biodiesel. Oil palm planting and palm oil consumption circumvents the food vs. fuel debate because it has the capacity to fulfill both demands simultaneously. By 2050, a British scientist estimates global demand for edible oils will probably be around 240 million tonnes, nearly twice of 2008's consumption. Most of the additional oil may be palm oil, which has the lowest production cost of the major oils, but soybean oil production will probably also increase. An additional 12 million hectares of oil palms may be required, if average yields continue to rise as in the past. This need not be at the expense of forest; oil palm planted on anthropogenic grassland could supply all the oil required for edible purposes in 2050.

According to Hamburg-based Oil World trade journal, in 2008, global production of oils and fats stood at 160 million tonnes. Palm oil and palm kernel oil were jointly the largest contributor, accounting for 48 million tonnes or 30% of the total output. Soybean oil came in second with 37 million tonnes (23%). About 38% of the oils and fats produced in the world were shipped across oceans. Of the 60.3 million tonnes of oils and fats exported around the world, palm oil and palm kernel oil make up close to 60%; Malaysia, with 45% of the market share, dominates the palm oil trade.

In 2008, Malaysia produced 17.7 million tonnes of palm oil on 4.5 million hectares of land, and was the second largest producer of palm oil, employing more than 570,000 people.[54] Malaysia is the largest exporter of palm oil in the world. About 60% of palm oil exports from Malaysia are shipped to China, the European Union, Pakistan, United States and India. They are mostly made into cooking oil, margarine, specialty fats and oleochemicals.

Growers in Indonesia are also increasing production of palm oil to meet the global demand spurred by biofuels, with the government looking for it to become the world's top producer of palm oil. FAO data show production increased by over 400% between 1994–2004, to over 8.66 million tonnes (metric). In 2007, Indonesia became the top producer of palm oil, surpassing Malaysia.

In addition to servicing its traditional markets, it is looking to produce biodiesel. There are new mills and refineries being built by major local companies, such as PT. Astra Agro Lestari terbuka (150,000 tpa biodiesel refinery), PT. Bakrie Group (a biodiesel factory and new plantations), Surya Dumai Group (biodiesel refinery) and global companies such as Cargill (sometimes operating through CTP Holdings of Singapore, building new refineries and mills in Malaysia and Indonesia, expanding its Rotterdam refinery to handle 300,000 tpa of palm oil, acquiring plantations in Sumatra, Kalimantan, Indonesian Peninsula and Papua New Guinea) and Robert Kuok's Wilmar International Limited (with plantations and 25 refineries across Indonesia, to supply feedstock to new biodiesel refineries in Singapore, Riau, Indonesia, and Rotterdam).

However, fresh land clearances, especially in Borneo, are contentious for their environmental impact. NGOs and many international bodies are now warning that, despite thousands of square kilometres of land standing unplanted in Indonesia, tropical hardwood forests are being cleared for palm oil plantations. Furthermore, as the remaining unprotected lowland forest dwindles, developers are looking to plant peat swamp land, using drainage that unlocks the carbon held in their trees, and begins an oxidation process of the peat which can release 5,000 to 10,000 years worth of stored carbon. Drained peat is also at very high risk of forest fire, and there is a clear record of fire being used to clear vegetation for palm oil development in Indonesia. Drought and man-made clearances have led to massive uncontrolled forest fires over recent years, covering parts of Southeast Asia in haze and leading to an international crisis with Malaysia. These fires have been variously blamed on a government with little ability to enforce its own laws while impoverished small farmers and large plantation owners illegally burn and clear forests and peat lands to reap the developmental benefits of environmentally-valuable land.

In the 1960s, about 18,000 hectares were planted with palm. Colombia has now become the largest palm oil producer in the Americas, and 35% of its product is exported as biofuel. In 2006, the Colombian plantation owners' association, Fedepalma, reported that oil palm cultivation was expanding to a million hectares. This expansion is being funded, in part, by the United States Agency for International Development to resettle disarmed paramilitary members on arable land, and by the Colombian government, which proposes to expand land use for exportable cash crops to 7m hectares by 2020, including oil palms. However, while Fedepalma states that its members are following sustainable guidelines, there have been claims that some of these new plantations have been appropriated on land owned by Afro-Colombians driven away through poverty and civil war, while armed guards intimidate the remaining people to depopulate the land, while coca production and trafficking follows in their wake.

Palm is native to the wetlands of Western Africa and south Benin already hosts many palm plantations. Its government's 'Agricultural Revival Programme' has identified many thousands of hectares of land as suitable for new oil palm plantations to be grown as an export crop. In spite of the economic benefits, NGOs such as Nature Tropicale claim this policy is flawed as biofuels will be competing with domestic food production in some existing prime agricultural sites. Other areas comprise peat land, whose drainage would have a deleterious environmental impact. They are also concerned that genetically-modified plants will be introduced for the first time into the region, jeopardizing the current premium paid for their non-GM crops.

Kenya's domestic production of edible oils covers about a third of its annual demand, estimated at around 380,000 metric tonnes. The rest is imported at a cost of around US$140 million a year, making edible oil the country's second most important import after petroleum. Since 1993 a new hybrid variety of cold-tolerant, high-yielding oil palm has been promoted by the Food and Agriculture Organization of the United Nations in western Kenya. As well as alleviating the country's deficit of edible oils while providing an important cash crop, it is claimed to have environmental benefits in the region, as it does not compete against food crops or native vegetation and it provides stabilisation for the soil.

Ghana has a lot of palnuts vegetation which can be build a sector of its own within the agricultural sector of the Black star region. Although Ghana has palm tree of different species ranging from local palm nuts to other species locally called agric. It is only maketised within the nation locally and other neighbouring countries. Because of low funds and other economic constraints the local farmers and traders are finding hard to cope but it is lucrative.


Palm oil producers have been accused of various human-rights violations, from low pay and poor working conditions to theft of land and murder. However, some social initiatives use profits from palm oil to finance poverty alleviation strategies. Examples include the financing of Magbenteh hospital in Makeni, Sierra Leone through profits made from palm oil grown by small local farmers, the Presbyterian Disaster Assistance's Food Security Program, which draws on a women-run cooperative to grow palm oil, the profits of which are reinvested in food security, or the UN Food and Agriculture Organisation's hybrid oil palm project in Western Kenya, which improves incomes and diets of local populations.

Palm oil production has been documented as a cause of substantial and often irreversible damage to the natural environment. Its impacts include: deforestation, habitat loss of critically endangered species, and a significant increase in greenhouse gas emissions.

The pollution is exacerbated because many rainforests in Indonesia and Malaysia lie atop peat bogs that store great quantities of carbon that are released when the forests are cut down and the bogs drained to make way for the palm oil plantations.

Environmental groups such as Greenpeace claim that the deforestation caused by making way for oil palm plantations is far more damaging for the climate than the benefits gained by switching to biofuel.

Many of the major companies in the vegetable oil economy participate in the Roundtable on Sustainable Palm Oil, which is trying to address this problem. In 2008 Unilever, a member of the group, committed to use only palm oil which is certified as sustainable, by ensuring that the large companies and smallholders that supply it convert to sustainable production by 2015.

Meanwhile, much of the recent investment in new palm plantations for biofuel has been part-funded through carbon credit projects through the Clean Development Mechanism; however the reputational risk associated with unsustainable palm plantations in Indonesia has now made many funds wary of investing there.

Palm oil is applied to wounds, just like iodine tincture, to aid the healing process. This is not just done for its oily qualities; like coconut oil, unrefined palm oil is supposed to have additional antimicrobial effects, but research does not confirm this.

The United States' Center for Science in the Public Interest said palm oil which is high in saturated and low in polyunsaturated fat, promotes heart disease. CSPI report cited research that go back to 1970 and metastudies. CSPI also said The National Heart, Lung and Blood Institute, World Health Organization (WHO), and other health authorities have urged reduced consumption of palm oil. WHO states there is convincing evidence that palmitic acid consumption contributes to an increased risk of developing cardiovascular diseases. A 2005 research in Costa Rica suggests consumption of non-hydrogenated unsaturated oils over palm oil.

In a response to the WHO's 2002 draft report, Dr. David Kritchevsky of The Wistar Institute, Philadelphia denied that there are any data showing palm oil consumption causing atherosclerosis. When palm oil was charged in public advertisements as being an underlying cause of heart disease in the United States, the FDA said that there was so little palm oil in the American diet that its putative effects were not worth pursuing. Atherosclerosis is a disease of multi-factorial etiology. While saturated fats contribute to atherosclerosis risks, palm oil is not the sole dietary source of saturated fat, even in Asia. Dietary palm oil raises cholesterol levels only if dietary cholesterol intake exceeds 250–300 mg/day.

Similarly, Malaysia's Institute for Medical Research's head of Cardiovascular Disease Unit Cardiovascular, Diabetes and Nutrition Centre Dr Tony Ng Kock Wai highlighted the cholesterol impact of saturated fats is affected by its amount at the sn-2 position. Despite the high palmitic acid content (41%) of palm oil, only 13-14% is present at the sn-2 position. He expressed surprise that WHO/FAO Expert Group concerned has chosen to ignore this.

Not all saturated fats are equally cholesterolemic. Studies have indicated that consumption of palm olein (which is more unsaturated) reduces blood cholesterol when compared to sources of saturated fats like coconut oil, dairy and animal fats.

Diets incorporating palm oil do not raise plasma total and LDL cholesterol levels to the extent expected from its fatty acid composition. According to an unreferenced statement in a review article prepared by an employee of a palm nutraceutical company, palm oil, although high in saturated fats, behaves as healthful as olive oil in being cholesterol neutral because the high concentrate of oleic fatty acid at sn-2 position expresses monosaturates character.

In 1996, Dr Becker of University of Massachusetts stressed that saturated fats in the sn–1 and -3 position of triacylglycerols exhibit different metabolic patterns due to their low absorptivity. Dietary fats containing saturated fats primarily in sn–1 and -3 positions (e.g., cocoa butter, coconut oil, and palm oil) have very different biological consequences than those fats in which the saturated fats are primarily in the sn–2 position (e.g., milk fat and lard). Differences in stereospecific fatty acid location should be an important consideration in the design and interpretation of lipid nutrition studies and in the production of specialty food products.

In a 2004 review, Dr German and Dr Dillard of University of California and Nestle Research Center in Switzerland concluded that research on how specific saturated fats contribute to coronary artery disease and on the role each specific saturated fatty acid plays in other health outcomes is not sufficient to make global recommendations for all persons to remove saturated fats from their diet because no randomized clinical trials of low-fat diets or low-saturated fat diets of sufficient duration have been carried out. There is a lack of knowledge of how low saturated fat intake can be without the risk of potentially deleterious health outcomes. The influence of varying saturated fatty acid intakes against a background of different individual lifestyles and genetic backgrounds should be the focus in future studies.

PHP

PHP: Hypertext Preprocessor is a widely used, general-purpose scripting language that was originally designed for web development to produce dynamic web pages. For this purpose, PHP code is embedded into the HTML source document and interpreted by a web server with a PHP processor module, which generates the web page document. As a general-purpose programming language, PHP code is processed by an interpreter application in command-line mode performing desired operating system operations and producing program output on its standard output channel. It may also function as a graphical application. PHP is available as a processor for most modern web servers and as standalone interpreter on most operating systems and computing platforms.


PHP was originally created by Rasmus Lerdorf in 1995 and has been in continuous development ever since. The main implementation of PHP is now produced by The PHP Group and serves as the de facto standard for PHP as there is no formal specification. PHP is free software released under the PHP License.

PHP originally stood for personal home page. It began in 1994 as a set of Common Gateway Interface (CGI) binaries written in the C programming language by the Danish/Greenlandic programmer Rasmus Lerdorf. Lerdorf initially created these Personal Home Page Tools to replace a small set of Perl scripts he had been using to maintain his personal homepage. The tools were used to perform tasks such as displaying his résumé and recording how much traffic his page was receiving.


He combined these binaries with his Form Interpreter to create PHP/FI, which had more functionality. PHP/FI included a larger implementation for the C programming language and could communicate with databases, enabling the building of simple, dynamic web applications. Lerdorf released PHP publicly on June 8, 1995, to accelerate bug location and improve the code. This release was named PHP version 2 and already had the basic functionality that PHP has today. This included Perl-like variables, form handling, and the ability to embed HTML. The syntax was similar to Perl but was more limited, simpler, and less consistent.

Zeev Suraski and Andi Gutmans, two Israeli developers at the Technion IIT, rewrote the parser in 1997 and formed the base of PHP 3, changing the language's name to the recursive initialism PHP: Hypertext Preprocessor. The development team officially released PHP/FI 2 in November 1997 after months of beta testing. Afterwards, public testing of PHP 3 began, and the official launch came in June 1998. Suraski and Gutmans then started a new rewrite of PHP's core, producing the Zend Engine in 1999. They also founded Zend Technologies in Ramat Gan, Israel.

On May 22, 2000, PHP 4, powered by the Zend Engine 1.0, was released. As of August 2008 this branch is up to version 4.4.9. PHP 4 is no longer under development nor will any security updates be released.

On July 13, 2004, PHP 5 was released, powered by the new Zend Engine II. PHP 5 included new features such as improved support for object-oriented programming, the PHP Data Objects extension (which defines a lightweight and consistent interface for accessing databases), and numerous performance enhancements. In 2008 PHP 5 became the only stable version under development. Late static binding has been missing from PHP and has been added in version 5.3.

A new major version has been under development alongside PHP 5 for several years. This version was originally planned to be released as PHP 6 as a result of its significant changes, which included plans for full Unicode support. However, Unicode support took developers much longer to implement than originally thought, and the decision was made in March 2010 to move the project to a branch, with features still under development moved to a trunk.

Changes in the new code include the removal of register_globals, magic quotes, and safe mode. The reason for the removals was that register_globals had given way to security holes, and magic quotes had an unpredictable nature, and was best avoided. Instead, to escape characters, magic quotes may be substituted with the addslashes() function, or more appropriately an escape mechanism specific to the database vendor itself like mysql_real_escape_string() for MySQL. Functions that will be removed in future versions and have been deprecated in PHP 5.3, will produce a warning if used.

Many high-profile open-source projects ceased to support PHP 4 in new code as of February 5, 2008, because of the GoPHP5 initiative, provided by a consortium of PHP developers promoting the transition from PHP 4 to PHP 5.

PHP currently does not have native support for Unicode or multibyte strings; Unicode support is under development for a future verson of PHP and will allow strings as well as class, method, and function names to contain non-ASCII characters.

PHP interpreters are available on both 32-bit and 64-bit operating systems, but on Microsoft Windows the only official distribution is a 32-bit implementation, requiring Windows 32-bit compatibility mode while using Internet Information Services (IIS) on a 64-bit Windows platform. As of PHP 5.3.0, experimental 64-bit versions are available for MS Windows.

PHP is a general-purpose scripting language that is especially suited to server-side web development where PHP generally runs on a web server. Any PHP code in a requested file is executed by the PHP runtime, usually to create dynamic web page content. It can also be used for command-line scripting and client-side GUI applications. PHP can be deployed on most web servers, many operating systems and platforms, and can be used with many relational database management systems. It is available free of charge, and the PHP Group provides the complete source code for users to build, customize and extend for their own use.


PHP primarily acts as a filter, taking input from a file or stream containing text and/or PHP instructions and outputs another stream of data; most commonly the output will be HTML. Since PHP 4, the PHP parser compiles input to produce bytecode for processing by the Zend Engine, giving improved performance over its interpreter predecessor.

Originally designed to create dynamic web pages, PHP now focuses mainly on server-side scripting, and it is similar to other server-side scripting languages that provide dynamic content from a web server to a client, such as Microsoft's Active Server Pages, Sun Microsystems' JavaServer Pages, and mod_perl. PHP has also attracted the development of many frameworks that provide building blocks and a design structure to promote rapid application development (RAD). Some of these include CakePHP, Symfony, CodeIgniter, and Zend Framework, offering features similar to other web application frameworks.

The LAMP architecture has become popular in the web industry as a way of deploying web applications. PHP is commonly used as the P in this bundle alongside Linux, Apache and MySQL, although the P may also refer to Python or Perl or some combination of the three.

As of April 2007, over 20 million Internet domains had web services hosted on servers with PHP installed and mod_php was recorded as the most popular Apache HTTP Server module. Significant websites are written in PHP including the user-facing portion of Facebook, Wikipedia (MediaWiki), Yahoo!, MyYearbook, Digg, Joomla, eZ Publish, WordPress, YouTube in its early stages, Drupal, Tagged and Moodle

The National Vulnerability Database stores all vulnerabilities found in computer software. The overall proportion of PHP-related vulnerabilities on the database amounted to: 20% in 2004, 28% in 2005, 43% in 2006, 36% in 2007, 35% in 2008, and 30% in 2009. Most of these PHP-related vulnerabilities can be exploited remotely: they allow crackers to steal or destroy data from data sources linked to the webserver (such as an SQL database), send spam or contribute to DoS attacks using malware, which itself can be installed on the vulnerable servers.


These vulnerabilities are caused mostly by not following best practice programming rules: technical security flaws of the language itself or of its core libraries are not frequent (23 in 2008, about 1% of the total).  Recognizing that programmers cannot be trusted, some languages include taint checking to detect automatically the lack of input validation which induces many issues. Such a feature is being developed for PHP, but its inclusion in a release has been rejected several times in the past.

Hosting PHP applications on a server requires a careful and constant attention to deal with these security risks. There are advanced protection patches such as Suhosin and Hardening-Patch, especially designed for web hosting environments.

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